January 2023 Top 3

Top 3

Jan 17

It’s the time for New Years Resolutions, mantras and turning over a new leaf. I am going to be sticking with the same old plan but working smarter at how I approach my time. I am loving this month two books about time and equity (and ultimately clarity in roles and delegation.) Fair Play and Free Time.. . An interesting article on parenting and real estate and finally the good and great Mary Oliver is back.

The One Parenting Decision That Really Matters

By Seth Stephens-Davidowitz

MAY 7, 2022, The Atlantic

Those parents among us know how deep the hole can get when you start to worry about your kids. A friend of mine and mentor once classified parenting like being the bumpers on the bowling alley— they control the ball and trajectory- you need to keep them moving forward and out of the gutter. I would love to think that I take this to heart but it’s a great reminder.

This data-driven article is a great account of that fact. It also hits home for me as an adoptive mom (who adopted through Holt in fact). It’s worth a read.

However, parents don’t merely pick a metropolitan area to live in. They have to pick neighborhoods within these areas, so Chetty and co. drilled down, determining that some were much more advantageous than others. They created a website, The Opportunity Atlas, that allows anyone to find out how beneficial any neighborhood is expected to be for kids of different income levels, genders, and races.
Something interesting happens when we compare the study on adoptions with this work on neighborhoods. We find that one factor about a home—its location—accounts for a significant fraction of the total effect of that home. In fact, putting together the different numbers, I have estimated that some 25 percent—and possibly more—of the overall effects of a parent are driven by where that parent raises their child. In other words, this one parenting decision has much more impact than many thousands of others.
Why is this decision so powerful? Chetty’s team has a possible answer for that. Three of the biggest predictors that a neighborhood will increase a child’s success are the percentage of households in which there are two parents, the percentage of residents who are college graduates, and the percentage of residents who return their census forms. These are neighborhoods, in other words, with many role models: adults who are smart, accomplished, engaged in their community, and committed to stable family lives.
There is more evidence for just how powerful role models can be. A different study that Chetty co-authored found that girls who move to areas with lots of female patent holders in a specific field are far more likely to grow up to earn patents in that same field. And another study found that Black boys who grow up on blocks with many Black fathers around, even if that doesn’t include their own father, end up with much better life outcomes.
Data can be liberating. It can’t make decisions for us, but it can tell us which decisions really matter. When it comes to parenting, the data tells us, moms and dads should put more thought into the neighbors they surround their children with—and lighten up about everything else.

Time Two Ways

These two books have been on my bedstand and kindle for a bit now and I am taking this slower time of the year to dive deeper in to some reflection.

Fair Play (A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) ) by Eve Rodsky. This should be required reading for all newly-weds. Matt and I often reflect on how giving 50/50 still doesn’t equal 100. We both have careers we love, kids we love and maybe too many dogs. That said, it’s a sweet life and not shockingly a little overwhelming at times. This book is practical…. She talks about ownership and the rights and needs everyone needs to have some unicorn space— a space to develop as a real adult-with real interests and passions!

This could be straight out of my playbook. Does this sound like you? Pick up this book!

Having to remind your partner to do something doesn’t take that something off your list. It adds to it. And what’s more, reminding is often unfairly characterized as nagging.

Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business by Jenny Blake is a book that had me shouting amen while I listened. In fact, I called my friend and biz partner Kara about 30 minutes after I started it to thank her for the recommendations. Turns out- you can’t do it all. Who knew. Better yet, not doing it all actually creates space for growth.

This book is geared for entrepreneurs but I really this is for everyone. Get out of the busy work. Live bigger.

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver

It is true, in my experience, that joy is often sudden and unexpected, fleeting even. And that too often we let it slip away or hesitate to accept its sweetness, so I love this simple advice:  don’t hesitate. Give in to it. Give in to joy – is that not a radical thought in dark times, something to take to heart?
As she says, we often lack wisdom and kindness and much in this world has been and will be destroyed for which we cannot atone. Still, life has some possibility left.  Such wise advice that joy may be life’s way of fighting back against all the sorrow – that sometimes something happened better than all the riches or power in the world. Because sometimes, things do happen that cannot be bought or won or even earned.
She reminds us that whatever it is, most likely you will notice it in the instant when love begins. And not, I would add, even necessarily a new love, just those moments when love raises its head and begins again, and again.
Her final lines tell it like it is: Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.  This is profound wisdom – there is an abundance of joy in the world, joy enough to feed us all if we allow and share it. We must not horde joy for fear there will only be crumbs. Don’t hesitate to embrace each moment of possibility. Give in to it every chance you get!

I came across this in a random spot— the cover of our church bulletin on New Years day. (which coincidentally is also my wedding anniversary) It stuck with me so I wanted to share it with my little corner of the internet.